Birth Story - Part 2 [Hard Decisions]

09/09/2020, Kareen Lai

 

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

From the moment you know you are pregnant, it’s all about decision makings.

Not to mention, spending money …. And more money.

The moment Dr Tan said ‘Go to the A&E’, we thought about medical fees.

I could go straight to KKH (public hospital where Singaporeans get can subsidies), but we knew that if we went straight to KKH, the certainty of getting me warded was 95%.

I preferred to meet Dr EK Tan so I could run through all my options with him. From the possibility of still birthing naturally, to the new expected delivery date, to total medical costs.

By the time of assessment, he was keen to have me warded because my amniotic fluid was low. Staying in the hospital with monitoring would be safer.

But I did not want to be warded.

Not in a private hospital anyway.

If baby was borned there, he’d be a 33 weeker preemie needing NICU care. And we would go bankrupt (again).

So I signed an indemnity form and we went home, promising to come back to the hospital same time tomorrow for a second booster jab (that’s incredulously painful) into my thigh.

 

As much as I wanted to stay hopeful for a natural birth, my options were looking bleak, once we took medical costs and choice of healthcare practitioners into consideration.

By the next day morning, I told the hubs, ‘Let’s go to KKH. I have an uneasy feeling’. 

We packed our bags. This time he was smart to even pack our pillows, toiletries and jackets. We knew from 9 years ago that there is high chance we will be sent to the labour ward for monitoring and it’s not the nicest place to be at. We might as well make ourselves comfortable while at it.

And so off to KKH we went on Monday afternoon, after I said bye to the twins.

 

 

Deja Vu

We honestly never ever imagined that we would be back at KKH again for our second pregnancy.

Never.

But suddenly everything seemed like a deja vu.

Everything looked so familiar. The tones of the doctors and nurses sounded familiar. Even the hospital procedures, the smells, the sounds etc … were familiar.

Even my symptoms started to be similar.

 My blood pressure shot up after my waters broke, hovering way above 140bpm.

That got me categorised under ‘preeclampsia’ once again.

My amniotic fluid was very low.

And water retention was very obvious.

 

I would have thought that KKH, being known for its conservative practises, would wanna take baby out instantly.

With the protective fluid almost gone, the fear of infection was their main concern. They said that would be more complicated than taking care of a 33-week healthy preemie.

But they were willing to let us wait for a week (their threshold for this situation was 34 weeks), to see if there was a natural onset labour to kickstart a natural birth, so I get my VBAC.

But after waiting for 5 days, there was still no sign of this little tyke ready to get out to see the world.

Unfortunately by then, my blood pressure had inched even higher and refused to go away even after stronger medications. And I was back to getting my bloods drawn almost everyday again, for close monitoring. 

 

The nurses who were on duty, were apprehensive whenever they came around to take my measurements. They tried all means and strategies to get lower records out of me. Lie down 10 minutes before the actual measurements, lay on the right side, exhale slowly, massage me etc … they were truly angels.

But my BP wouldn’t budge.

The highest record was 197/91.

At this stage, even if baby triggered labour to start, everyone was afraid that my body and blood pressure could not take the long and slow labour that a VBAC needed.

And no medication/ indiction etc …. can be used for VBAC.

So many different factors to weigh.

I thought I held up well this time and took things in better stride. Because we knew the questions to ask, we probed into their advise, push them for alternatives and made informed decisions ourselves. We asked to speak to the most senior of doctors, and made the rookie doctors all stressed up with our questions and “why nots”.

But I broke down once, when one of the nurses came for the 3rd time to ask me for my food/ water log, like I was a bad student.

 What food log?!!!!

 Stop hounding on me!  This log is not going to help with anything!

Turns out, I was very affected by the notion of having to go through C-section again. As much as I knew deep inside, that it was the best and safest option for me, I think it was still hard to come to terms with it, after thinking that I would have a normal pregnancy and birth all this time.

 

Mid-Autumn Festival | Friday the 13th

Oh yes, the ‘hospital’s threshold’ of 34 weeks happened to fall on the 15th August in the Chinese lunar calendar. It also happened to be Friday the 13th. We are Chinese, so we chose to lean into the better omen, birthing our kid on Mid-Autumn Festival.

 I thought I knew what to expect, kept a positive mindset and was prepared to get him out by the morning.

But the moment they put me on the operating bed, the memories from the first C-section just flooded my mind automatically.

The same cold room with bright lights, big monitors, huge equipments, and loud beeping sounds from the machines. The team working in the OT was full of synergy, chatting and gawking away at each other as they got me ready. But I did not share their enthusiasm. I was bracing myself for that needle that I knew would come.

 And I would not stop trembling.

 The room was so cold! Why did they need to always have the room so cold?

I remembered the anaesthetist came and ran through some mandatory questions and very quickly, they sat me up to get me positioned. I instinctively braced my body. It was a natural response from my body, and I didn’t quite have much control. So they took a while to get me to relax, before they inserted the needle into my spinal column.

 Gosh. That was the mother of all terrors!

It’s absolutely counter intuitive to our body, to allow a needle into our spinal column.

 But you had to let someone do it to you, at will.

 Imagine the strength needed to stop a riot.

My hands and feet were so cold that they had to layer on what I believed to be 3 layers of blankets. Then the surgeon came and got ready to start the procedure. By then I wanted to drift off to sleep. But the anaesthetist kept talking to me, telling me about the progress, keeping me ‘updated’.

 All I remembered was the tugging and pushing that happened at one stage. I knew they were trying to get him out now. I couldn’t feel the pain of course, but I could absolutely feel the pressure of the pushing and tugging on my tummy.

 And then the wailing! He was out!

I heard the surgeon ask the team, “ He’s a 34-weeker? Wow, He’s very loud for a 34-weeker!”

I suppose that’s very good news and feedback for me?

I had asked to see baby when he was born, and for some skin to skin contact before they take him away. As usual they always said “it depends on baby’s condition etc …”

As expected, they didn’t give him to me. He was whisked away to be checked and cleaned and kept warm while his mama got stitched up.

 While finishing up her job, my surgeon asked how I was feeling.

“Oh doc, can you please stitch me up properly so that I don’t get a tummy fold like the previous time?”

 “Oh of course! Nice stitches are my first concern!”

 Wow, thanks Doc! 

 

Continue ... Birth Story Part 3 >>

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